What will I tell my daughter when she’s old enough to start asking? Or when I feel she’s old enough and needs to know? I imagine this day in my head quite often. I’m very open about my mental health. I always have been really, but even more so since my attempt. So there aren’t any secrets. Ask me any questions and I’ll answer it with sincere brutality. Do I tell her, “Mommy is Suicidal”? Do I tell her, “Mommy has demons she fights everyday”? Do I tell her, “Mommy sometimes questions if she should keep going”? “Mommy has depression, Mommy has anxiety, Mommy has PTSD, Mommy is……TWISTED! I have…

I’m not feeling well. Starting to feel hot, sick to my stomach. Shaky! Hard to breathe. On the verge of breaking down into uncontrollable sobs or bursting with uncontrollable anger. Both. Effecting my vision. I see blurriness. Can’t stop thinking about it. Tomorrow is a year to the day. The day I woke up and knew that was the day my life would end. This is overwhelming darkness. Pure evil and dread. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s the most terrible, sickening, terrifying feeling in the world. And it won’ stop. And I have no control over it. It will take me deeper and deeper until I completely…

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the following post may be triggering. If you need support now, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Life Line 988. My anxiousness has been through the roof today. I could feel it peek it’s head in the morning as I sat in my office. Felt very much on edge. Felt very anxious. Shaking my leg up and down like a crazy excited dog. Couldn’t stop. Could barely notice I was doing it until I noticed I was making an annoying sound with my foot and thought to myself, what the hell is that? Damn, it’s me. Thought to myself, have I…

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the following post may be triggering. If you need support now, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Life Line 988. “That Day”. That’s what I call it. The day that I attempted suicide. I don’t know what else to call it when I say it out loud and I don’t like to say that I “attempted suicide”. It’s terrible. I’m an awful excuse for a person for having even done what I did. That’s how I see myself. Weak. Worthless. I still see myself this way. But when you add “she tried to kill herself” on top of that, it just…

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the following post may be triggering. If you need support now, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Life Line 988. I was suicidal. That’s the only way to explain it. I was constantly hearing voices in my head telling me to end it. I started planning in my head what I would do to end it all. That was the only choice and that was the way it had to be. I was having HORRIBLE nightmares. Terrifying nightmares where I would scream so loud in the middle of the night and wake my husband. I don’t remember what those nightmares were…

If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the following post may be triggering. If you need support now, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Life Line 988. I’m done. I’ve succeeding in pushing my husband away. Guess I learned from the best. Here I am, suicidal, and I’m not sure why I haven’t just done it already. – An entry I made in my notepad on my phone on April 15th, 2021. Two days before I admitted myself into a mental hospital. About nine months ago, this was me. Completely mad. Completely losing my mind. I was in a very deep depression and dealing with severe anxiety. Ok,…

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside and pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.“ Iyanla Vanzant I stumbled upon this quote a few days ago and it has stuck with me. There is so much truth to this quote. If you are feeling the wounds of your past,…